


friday freak night

by guineaDogs



Category: South Park
Genre: F/M, Food Sex, M/M, Masturbation, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21787540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guineaDogs/pseuds/guineaDogs
Summary: Clyde goes all American Pie on a taco.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Bebe Stevens, Clyde Donovan/Taco
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12
Collections: south park shitposts





	friday freak night

**Author's Note:**

> some anon on tumblr asked for this
> 
> also ive never eaten at a long john silvers. im high rn and as usual with high fic i did not proof read at all

_ what do u mean u cant cum over? It’s friday freak night!!! _

Clyde stared down at his phone in abject horror. This was what he looked forward to every week! It was how he got through the week! A guy could only handle so many shoe sales before he needed something,  _ anything,  _ to relieve all the pent of tension. 

His preferred method tended to be between his girlfriend’s legs. Or when she was feeling particularly naughty, between her tits. But here she was, telling him  _ no _ when she always came over on Friday nights. 

_ i cant sweatie i have to study for finals! _

Well, damn. Clyde couldn’t and wouldn’t argue with that. Bebe’s education mattered, especially if she was going move on into postgrad studies to eventually grow up to be his sugar mama. Even if they were only a few months apart in age. He already knew he’d be more than happy to sell shoes while she was in school, and then take care of their house when she was making the big bucks. 

After all, he also intended to be a good stay-at-home dad for their future dogs and/or cats, so he needed to be good at the other things too. 

Clyde wished her luck and assured she was going to do amazingly on her exams. But that did leave him with a problem: he still needed an outlet. All of that pent up tension needed to go somewhere. 

Process of elimination made it a little easier: he was leaving work now to go home, and he still had to eat dinner. Because cooking for one was a pain and he had no leftovers, he figured there was no harm in just picking something up from one of the many fast food chains he passed on the way back to his home.

Traffic in Colorado Springs was annoying, so he decided to only pick from places at were on his side so he didn’t have to cross flows of traffic. That left him KFC and Long John Silver’s. They were both positioned beside of him, a block ahead of where he was. Sitting at the red light, he could see that KFC had much more business, so what other choice did he have than to go for fast food fish? 

At least they had fish tacos.

Clyde let out an abrupt, sharp  _ hah! _ as he laughed at his own joke. As he steadied up to the order window, he knew he was trading out a fish taco for a fish taco. It wasn’t until after he got home that he realized how true that was.

He ate one taco while watching  _ American Pie  _ for probably the millionth time. It hadn’t even occurred to him that there were so many ways that he could get one out without having his girlfriend there with him.

Opening his next taco wrapper, he looked at that warm, corn-and-flour blend tortilla. That thick, juicy piece of salmon that he could pretend to be poontang. His mouth watered. His half chub went full mast and he instinctively slid one of his hands beneath the hem of his shorts and underwear, wrapping his cool fingers around his hot, aching cock. 

There was no question about what he needed to do. He’d already sated one appetite. Surely he could appease the other right here, right now. So he pulled his dick out, freeing it from the confines of annoying fabric. He quivered as he dragged his tongue along the side of the salmon, licking up that tangy sweet chili sauce, as he inhaled that indescribable scent. 

Tilting his head back with a shaky sigh, he brought his taco-holding hand down, rubbing the warm fish against the side of his cock. It was barely any contact, but he was so needy, so touch-starved that it didn’t matter. He just moved it along his dick as his hips twitched, and he found himself gasping and straining for more. 

It was amazing that a little taco could do so much. 

He needed more. So he opened up the tortilla fold a little and slipped his dick in. It slid along the whole side of the salmon. The sauce and meat making a  _ squelch _ that made it easier for him to pretend that he was fucking Bebe. 

He moaned, thrusting his hips upward, trying to achieve more friction. Clyde managed a few thrusts before he started to feel an uncomfortable burn. At first he could pretend that it added to the experience, but it soon became more than he could bear, and his hopes of nutting soon diminished quickly. 

Not only was the  _ chili _ part of  _ sweet chili _ starting to aggravate his sensitive skin, but some of it had gotten in his gosh-darn-dick-hole! Clyde yelped, and hopped to his feet, cupping his dick as he waddled to the kitchen. Somehow he forgot that his palm was against the dry side of the tortilla and not his cock-proper, so halfway there he tossed the taco do the ground with a  _ splat! _

_...and that’s how i wound up sticking my dick in a cup of milk.  _ He wrote, finishing off his very own r/TIFU post.  _ And before you ask, yes, i did nut in the cup. _

It didn’t take long before he received a response from u/cremefraichepie that made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the world. He had a kindred spirit:

_ Happened to me when I was roasting chiles on this here Colorado Farm. Had the idea of Pueblo strain with some chile, see. No one ever tells you that you should wear gloves when you’re peeling it. No one ever mentions that the capsaicin oils seep into your skin and no amount of handwashing will spare you from it. So you can imagine how well taking a piss went for me.  _

Clyde didn’t even hesitate: he upvoted so fast.


End file.
